stupid in school.

so i think that brian regan is a great comedian! and stupid in school happens to be my favorite.

here is my favorite part in it:

I don’t know. I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot but nobody else knew. When the spelling bee day popped up…

[Announcer:] Alright, kids, up against the wall. It’s time for public humiliation.

Spell a word wrong—sit down in front of your friends. That’s great for little egos. “Hey, look at me. I’m a moron. I wasn’t even close. I was usin’ numbers and stuff.”

That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours.

First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.” Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s.”

I remember my teacher asked me, “Brian, what’s the ‘i’ before ‘e’ rule?”

“Um…I before e always.”

“What are you, an idiot, Brian?”

“Apparently.”

So she explains it, “No, Brian, it’s:

‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’

and when sounding like ‘a’

as in neighbor and weigh

and on weekends and holidays

and all throughout May

and you’ll always be wrong

no matter what you say.”

That’s a hard rule. That’s a rough rule.

Plurals were hard, too.

“Brian, how do you make a word a plural?”

“You put a ‘s’…put a ‘s’ at the end of it.”

“When?”

“On weekends and holidays.”

“No, Brian. Let me show you.” So she asked this kid who knew everything. Irwin. “Irwin, what’s the plural for ox?”

“Ox. Oxen. The farmer used his oxen.”

“Brian?”

“What?”

“Brian, what’s the plural for box?”

“Boxen. I bought 2 boxen of doughnuts.”

“No, Brian, no. Let’s try another one. Irwin, what’s the plural for goose?”

“Geese. I saw a flock of geese.”

“Brian?”

[Exasperated laughing]“Wha-a-at?”

“What’s the plural for moose?”

“Moosen! I saw a flock of MOOSEN! There were many of ‘em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods…in the wood-es…in the woodsen. The meese want the food in the woodesen…food is the eatenesen…the meese want the food in the woodesenes…food in the woodesenes.”

“Brian. Brian! You’re an imbecile.”

“Imbecilen!”

“What? Are you speaking German, Brian?”

“German…Germaine…Germaine…Jackson…Jackson 5…Tito!”

“Brian, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know, really.”

way too funny!! hahaha