check.

LIPS PIERCED...

these past few weeks have been nothing but hell. all i have been trying to do is be better. but there are always those moments when you feel like you have failed completely. all i have been doing is trying to gain back people's trust. but at that moment when you are trying to do so hard.. they smack you in the face with reality telling you that they don't. welcome to life. reality sucks. i have fallen to my knees countless times praying that everything would be back to normal. obviously that isn't happening anytime soon. everyone keeps telling me time will heal it all.... time is taking forever! i'm wishing that i would wake up from this nightmare. i thought i was doing so well but of course i get smacked back down to ground zero. feeling like this whole thing isn't going to end. i swear its not. someone please wake me up when this decides to be over. i wish i could tell people how i feel, but words can't describe the hell i am going through.

this is such a 'pity me' blog. but for goodness sake, i definitely needed it. i do know that time will heal. seriously trying to have the patience for it. i just keep reminding myself that there can't be a rainbow without the rain. the rainbow is right around the corner. i just need to keep working hard to get there. not easy. at all. but hopefully it will be worth the wait and trials i am going to have to face.

 welcome to life.

greatest blessing...

the greatest blessing in my entire life so far is being an aunt! 

i never knew how much of a blessing it would be in my life. so far, i only have one nephew. and let me tell you, i love him so much!
 i didn't know that i could love something as much as i love him. he is the sweetest, happiest little boy i know.
 i have had the opportunity to watch him a few times a week this summer. and it has been something i am always looking forward to. especially to see his cute smile. there is nothing i love more than when he just starts cracking up with a full on belly laugh. or his sweet kisses on the cheek! whenever he is sad or cries from his teeth hurting (cause he is currently teething) it breaks my heart! 
he is such a sweet little boy. i am so blessed and grateful to be his aunt. 
i love him with my whole heart!! 

:)

i love it when this happens... 

when you say you don't want something, but the second that thing you said you didn't want comes into your life. then you realize it's everything you've ever wished for. 

let me add that this i'm the happiest i've ever been! i couldn't ask for anything different in my life right now. 

tunes that i cannot get out of my head.. but that is so okay.

so for some reason.. this song caught my attention. i just loved it. lately i have been super stressed with some personal stuff and this song honestly helps me get that anger and frustration out. i definitely love it when music helps with stuff.. so if you are ever angry... stressed... etc... check out this song. 




from the day i heard this song.. i fell completely in love with it. definitely a song i love to listen to when i am in a super chill// somber mood. especially days when you feel like any sort of relationship you have with anyone is confusing. family, friends, etc.. i love this song. its for sure sad... but SO good!!!



for those of you who do not know me... i love death cab for cutie. such a legit band. and this easily has to be one of my favorites by them. especially the lines... "And when i see you I really see you upside down But my brain knows better It picks you up and turns you around"
--obviously he is talking about the obvious.. how our eyes see everything upside down and our brain sees it the other way.. DUUHHH! i like to interrupt it that we think one thing but it is always completely, entirely different that what we really imagined it to be. such a good song. and it definitely makes me think.



holy cow... okay... i love this song!! it always puts me in the best mood. why? ohh that's because it makes me love me for who i am. and i'm not gonna change. love me for me.

"It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then,
I'll admit, I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am?"



i have always, without a doubt, loved this song. it's one of the few songs that have brought tears to my eyes. (let's just add that its hard for me to get teared up in songs/ movies...) this song kills me every time. it makes me love my family even more. i don't know what i would do without any of them. just another reason i am grateful that families are forever.
but on a happier note... one thing about this song brings out my "hopeless romantic" side. which i totally am a hopeless romantic.

"Grandfather, gentle soul, you'll fly
Over your life once more before you die
Since our grandma passed away
You've waited for forever and a day
Just to die
And someday soon
You will die"

i so hope that whoever i marry.. we have that relationship and love for each other that when we pass.. the both of us can't wait to be with the other one again.

anyway... definitely some of my favorite tunes. BY FAR! check them out. and fall in love with them like i did.

the moment when the one thing you weren't expecting in your life decides to show up. 

but its the absolute best feeling.

i hate how true this is

Change..

It has been about two years since I have graduated high school! Holy cow, I still cannot believe it's been that long. Not only that, I can't believe how much I have changed since then.... And only for the better! Well I hope so at least..

Graduation Photo!

And this was just recent!

Besides on how I look, I have changed a lot. When I graduated high school, I would not have guessed how my life is now. Crazy how plans change. But I am so grateful for all of the many choices and decisions I have made to get me to to point.

I thought that I would be at the U studying some communications major just to get it done.

I would have never thought I would be enrolled at the Photography program at SLCC. 

I wouldn't trade ANYTHING for how my life is. 

I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

And that is the ABSOLUTE best feeling.

my weekend..

hooray it's spring break! cheers to that! it started thursday afternoon :) anyway, this weekend has definitely has had its ups and downs. my college's art show is coming up and the deadline was this weekend. everyone kept telling me to enter. i was so scared to! i don't know why? i guess the fear of rejection. especially over something that i have passion for. well, we were able to enter up to 4 pieces. there are two sets of judging. the first judging is an online one when you submit your photo and they judge it and the second judging is when they judge your photo mounted. GUESS WHAT! 3 out of 4 of my photos made it through the first judging! i am completely stoked about it. hopefully my 3 photos make it through the next judging and my photos will be in the art show! when i was in the 8th grade, i entered into my junior high's art show with photography and actually won the photography part of it. hopefully i can get the same luck this time. crossing my fingers!
as of yesterday, i feel like i have been on my death bed. (k, not really, but its close haha..) i have never felt so nauseated. i stand up and feel like im ready to pass out. crossing my fingers its not because of my ovarian hemorrhagic cyst! i have had this cyst for awhile. i went to the doctors in january. i am in definite need to get another ultrasound for it. yesterday morning i felt an incredible pain down there and after that i have been super nauseated, dizzy, and my appetite completely gone. anyway, i'm sure i'll be on my way to the doctors soon enough if this doesn't stop. (the doctor's freaks me out!!! probably should get over that fear!)
so right now, i am soooo hoping that i will be a-okay by thursday! why?? oh just cause the city creek mall will be opening. FIRST TIFFANY'S IN UTAH! yayyyyyyyyy! i cannot wait!
anyway, have a good week ya'll!

yes.

all i'm gonna say is.....

wow. i am very amazed by some boys who are extremely cocky and full of themselves.

sarcastic? not one bit.

I need to start listening to my dreams...

Dreams. My dreams have been nothing but weird lately. 

Yesterday I did some shooting with a film camera.  And in hopes to develop my film the next day. 

Last night I had a dream that all of my film was exposed (which is the worst thing that could happen to your film), it was colored film NOT black and white, and the brand was fujifim (not quite sure why that was bad... but still). I honestly woke up in a complete panic hoping that none of that would happen today. 

BUT................... it did.................

MY FILM WAS EXPOSED.

I couldn't believe it. Funny thing about this is that I was talking about this in my class and took my film out of the canister and there was NOTHING ON MY FILM = EXPOSED. ahhhhhhhhhhh.

I realllllllly need to start paying attention to my dreams. ah. OH VEY!

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

A few weeks ago I got word that Mitt Romney would be coming into town for the anniversary of the 2002 Olympics. He was hosting an ice skating show. And instantly I wanted to go so bad. I looked at tickets and decided it wasn't possible... poor college student.

Earlier this week my best friend, Christine called me and told me her sister has the hook-up for tickets! We were in. Yesterday morning Christine came over and we made t-shirts. Hoping to somehow get Mitt's attention. 

The front of our shirts say, "SMITTEN FOR ROMNEY 2012". Yes, clever, I know.

THEN the back has a CTR slogan on it.. then is says, "Choose the Romney"

We were ecstatic about our shirts!! But we had no idea that they would be such a hit :)

We head down to the Gateway for a celebration they had for the anniversary of the Olympics. 

OUR SHIRTS WERE A HIT. Honestly, they were complete genius. They caught everyone's attention. Countless people came up to us and asked about them. Not only that, but they took our picture. How cool?! 

In the meantime, we got pictures with all of the Olympic mascots and former Governor Mike Leavitt. Go us!!! Wooooooo! We were heading up to the food court to get some dinner before we went to the show, we got stopped by a company who were filming people who have a story of people who have inspired them and then send that video to a campaign. They pulled us aside and wanted us to do it for Mitt Romney. OH MY GOSH! HOW COOL? So we did that :) The video is going to be sent to his campaign! 

 

 

 

 

We head over to the Energy Solutions Arena after dinner and wait patiently for the show to begin. We were wishing so badly somehow we could meet Mitt. Ahhhh. We started to brainstorm our possibilities hoping that fate and destiny would help us... and it definitely did :)

 

 

Christine's family friend came up and said they had two tickets on the ice... FRONT ROW! How on earth could we turn that down?? We ran down to those seats. Our hearts were FREAKING OUT. We were so so so excited. We get down there and we literally were in complete awe. How lucky were we. seriously. SO LUCKY.

Mitt came out... and we were on our feet cheering! yay!!! So excited to see him and be down there. He was exactly across from us on the other side of the ice rink.

Intermission came up. We instantly looked at each other and decided to head over. Our hearts were racing. The security lady asked us where our seats were... we pointed across the rink. Pretty sure she could tell that we really wanted to go meet him. And the very nice lady lets us go. 

Hearts honestly racing. Completely starstruck. In Awe. There was a huge crowd... and we hoped we could get through. 

The crowd opened up... and we were face to face with Mitt Romney! Oh my goodness! He pointed towards us and laughed. He welcomed us with both a huge bear hug. He told us that he was so proud of us and to keep up the good work. LOVED our shirts. Not only that, but he signed them :) Ahhhhhhhhh. We were honestly floating. We walked back to our seats in complete starstruck, in awe, shaking, Christine had tears, freaking out!!!!! WE DID IT. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. We got back to our seats, we waved, and he waved back. 

We were seriously on cloud 9.  WE DID IT. There were so many people who doubted us. WE PROVED THEM WRONG. ahhhh. I cannot believe it. 

At the end of the night, we got back into my car after the show, we looked at each other and screamed!!!!! It was the best night! We worked so hard. And we did it! 

I've decided that meeting Mitt Romney was way better than meeting 90% of the Hollywood celebrities. 

  

ONE AMAZING NIGHT. 

VOTE MITT- 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The day of LOVE.

my valentine's day ended up being a lot better than i expected. 

two reasons:

#1: my daddy's birthday

#2: spent it with my best friends

people always think that valentine's day is just for your significant other.

but i found that to be completely false.

most of the afternoon i spent it with my little brother getting things ready for our dad's birthday.

-bought stuff for cupcakes

-went on a search for the perfect card

we had a blast! 

later my grandparents came over and we enjoyed some pie and celebrated my dad's day of birth. 

when it got into the late evening, karlee and i went and bought valentine's presents for one of our best friend christine! we had a blast doing so.

we went to christine's work and gave her her gift. she was so excited about it.

my night consisted of us 3 best friends sitting in the break room at christine's work talking and laughing. 

none of us girls have "significant others". 

 this valentines was such a fun day being with the people who i truly love. family and friends. 

valentines doesn't have to be surrounded by a significant other. of course that could be fun too. but if you don't have one.. don't break a sweat. be with the ones who really mean the most to you.

bone to pick.

i can vent all i want. so here i go.
this has been something that just has been irritating me.
it shouldn't bug me. but it does.

a lot of the time when people ask me 'what are you studying?'
i reply of course and say 'photography'
i sit there anxiously and wait for their answer.

i've come to the conclusion that they either respect it or think it's ridiculous.

when they respect it, they think it's really cool that i am doing what i love to do.
OR
when they think it's ridiculous.. they think i could be studying something else. something that has more of 'guarantee' job.

personally, i would rather be doing something that i love to do rather than something that is more 'academic/ guarantee job' and put me through agony the next 4+ years. but if you love to do that stuff, more power to you!! kudos.

even though i am going into an art.. it is still tough. nothing in life comes easy. i am still working hard. it's not something that i can just skim by and get a passing grade. i work hard for my grades. and strive to get the best i can.

i love studying photography.
i know am doing what i love to do.

all i wish is that some people would just respect that. and be accepting that everyone is different. even if they are studying an art.

grateful

today was not my day. 

i shed a few tears. 

and of course i turned to christine about it. 

she has been there for me through the thick and thin the past 2 years. 

i don't know what i would do without her. 

i hear this huge bang at the door and next thing i realize it was for me.

it was from christine!!! 

and that's what she left me! 

diet coke and everything! 

not only that but the most amazing note. 

made me feel a lot better about some stuff. 

i definitely have the best of best friends.

i love you doug!

one of those nights..

tonight is one of those nights when i come home frustrated. 

so badly wanting to talk to that one person who you always go to and feel like you can't for some reason? 

after shutting my bedroom door, tears began to flow. just completely frustrated. 

for reasons i can't explain.

the stress that i can feel coming.

the stress from this past week.

life smacking me in the face. 

completely frustrated and overwhelmed. 

but

i try to remember that everything is going to work out.

that i have to work hard for the things i want.

things i want don't come over night.

they need time, practice, and dedication. 

for multiple things.

and 

i must say, releasing a few tears feels excellent.

a good daily advice ^^^

there is nothing i hate more than...

there is nothing i hate more than seeing one of my best friends in tears.

seeing their heart broken. all i want to do is take away that pain for them.

time will heal. i promise. let time take it's course.

just remember that there is that one boy who will sweep you off your feet.

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you"

be excited for the future.

be excited to go out and date amazing guys.

be excited for the experiences you are going to have.

where are the good ones?

right now i am SO sick of boys. sometimes going celibate would be nice. 

anyway. where are the good ones? aka the good boys? by that i mean, the boys who know how to treat a girl?! 

 frustration! oh well haha.

"Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, your heart 

As well as your body

And can you lie next to her And confess your love, your love 

As well as your folly 

And can you kneel before the king And say I'm clean, I'm clean

But tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart

But tell me now, where was my fault 

In loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage 

You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink 

You desired my attention but denied my affections, my affections

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life"

quick thought for today...